changes.

its difficult for me to read my last post. i wrote it so long ago and so much has happened since i last posted anything. i'm not surprised, however, to see that post being the last one i had written since now. 

im not the same today as i was last year. how ive changed and how much and where is yet to be determined, but i know for certain that its happened. my hope is that i have not lost vision, but have gained insight. i want so much to be a person who is genuine and sincere. forgive me of the days when i could have cared less or even more so for the days when i pretended i cared and didnt. i dont ever want to be someone who listens with eyes that look past who is talking, but rather i strive to be the person who listens with her heart. things are just so pleasant and comfortable sometimes that until you feel a little pain, everything can be paradoxical inside but still nothing will hurt. 

i really like the way life shows itself, through the changing of seasons and the energy of people being together and the dusk and the dawn. so many times this semester i have walked in the door at night, exhausted from a day spent with wonderful people and an adventure, yet retaining my smile as i fell into my sheets thinking, this is life! other times this year i have walked in just plain tired. that is the thing with life. it is fascinating, and it is an experience, and it may be difficult to prevail sometimes, but it is always good!!! i guess all this to say that i am starting to look at everything as an experience and not as a valuable thing versus a regret. because the truth is... we are human and in our humanness, to expect perfection will only leave you disappointed. it is through experience that you learn who you are, but more importantly i think you learn about love. you learn how to love better and i think that is the best thing you could hope for. isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more? pushed. stretched. blessed. moved.....i think it's all a pursuit for my heart. 

life..live it.